Madeline stayed home from preschool last Wednesday. She had been acting super whiny and angry, teasing her brothers incessantly and spending lots of time on the time-out chair. Her blanket was never far away...and neither was her thumb. Hmmm.
She had stayed at Andrew's parents and then mine for a few days the week before while mommy and daddy went south to a diocesan convention. Obviously she was very loved and taken care of, but she needed to be grounded again. She needed to be reminded that she was loved. She needed her identity grounded.
It was simple, really. We played a few small board games, talked about being princesses: "I'm a princess, mommy." "Ya Maddie?" "Ya," she pointed to her dress-up dress, "because princesses wear puffed sleeves." Smile. I love the logic of a three year old.
We read a book on the couch and then had lotion massages of our feet. Then, we spent the last half hour cleaning together. "Mom, I want to go wherever you go." That's what she always says when she feels especially loved. (Check out The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Smalley.) By noon she was Maddie again and I had my daughter back.
Fast forward a few days to Sunday afternoon. I'm exhausted. Tearful. And looking for myself in other people's eyes. Hmmm. I needed my identity grounded again. And I needed powerful medicine. A friend who takes care of the kids was able to love on them that afternoon until Andrew came home. Thank goodness. I knew I wouldn't be a good mother until I got life straightened back out. I needed a real sabbath.
My sister understood and talked straight to me when I called her on the phone. Bad day, I said. Sugar's off (both of us have an insulin imbalance that effects us emotionally.) "Summer," she said, "this is normal. Get into scripture. Read one truth after another until the truth starts sticking again."
She was right. I sat down with a large Thai chicken soup at a Noodles and slowly read truth.
First, interestingly enough, the Lord had to speak truth to how I got there. "Stop chasing after fruit, Summer." Oh. Ya. Fruit should happen naturally and I was spinning busily in a lot of different directions. Summer, Abide. Be Still. Sit. Stay. Nest here in Me.
Your primary purpose is not to be fruitful, but to delight in Me...to be my own.
Your primary purpose is not fruit
not production, i.e. writing, housework
not intercession
not wisdom
not teaching
not even mothering.
Your primary purpose is here, with Me. "I will plant her FOR MYSELF in the land." Hosea 2:23
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
Yup. I am a fruit-chaser. Guilty. Exhausted and guilty.
Then, and this truly was the surprising part. Here's the next verse that was staring at me to attend to it.
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God" from 1 John 3:1
I needed my true identity rubbed into me like a lotion, lavishly. I needed to be reminded of who He was and again, who I am. I am a child of God with a Father who is lavish with his love.
His truth is always powerful medicine. Like Madeline, soon I was righted again, standing up straight, not bent toward others' view of me, not spinning in haphazard busyness, but confidently abiding in His Presence.
My dear Luminous Women, our call to sabbath, (one of those 10 commandments, remember) is not a selfish day away from our dear little ones (or big ones :), but necessary time spent listening to that Voice healing and transforming us. It is a long drink from the living water, not just the usual short swigs that leave us thirsty and still dehydrated. Sabbath is how we get reestablished in our identity and hear that call to "Come away, my Beloved." Be here. Stay here. Abide.
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